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Am a Triple S? Was a Triple S?
Monday, May 7, 2012 | 8:35 PM | 0 comments
 *this is a loooooonggg delayed post. This is supposed to justify what happen to me as a TS after all SS members flying their own flights, and WHY i pay less attention to the guy i spazzed about everyday for years back and such. But then again, i keep fighting with myself, "Why should i justify myself to anyone?" Of course, accuses hurt, but not that I'm a penny less from all the bad remarks. hehehehe~ Plus, im not a good writer..:( But maybe, i should post this up. Not to justify myself to anyone else, but to myself. Coz one day I might forget it all..* Being a Triple S, i said, "I love each and everyone of them unconditionally!". I cried whenever any of them face trouble, for i felt so hopeless. I hate the feeling of not being able to be there and help. I was beamed with proud whenever anyone says good stuff bout them, like any mother would be on her kid's graduation day. I tried my very best, doing unthinkable things to vote for them, to promote them, to help them achieve the dream that all TS share.. It was a great journey being one. I think, it's not just about loving these guys for who they are, but also who i become when i choose to walk the path as a Triple S. Not easy to be one, i would say (I'll post another entry bout it, i guess). I bounced back from one of the hardest fall. I learned 'bout these guys, and actually believe after a while, that they are not just pretty faces. They are people who worked so hard to achieve their dream, in a clean way. yes, without stomping on others, without losing their humanity. I've learned to be a stronger, better person. I make lots and lots of new friends, from all ages, races, countries, backgrounds, colors, religions, you name it. Of course, i dissed some along the way. I'm not an angel. I'm afraid of getting hurt, so better i keep them out before they hurt me. And of course, I'm not always the best of friend everyone could ever wished for. But hey, those i keep, i'll treasure them to the end. Insya Allah. We fought, mostly it's my fault. I can never keep my mouth shut if i think it's not right or something. I hurt many people and aliens with my mouth, or in this case, fingers. Some stays, i guess they're blessed with strong heart or something. God must love them more than anyone else. So, I stick with them. To make up with all the nonesense i caused. heh heh heh but really, they're gems. 
gems, not GERM! >.<
They are somehow people that i can relate to. That i can actually talk to, not only when it comes to SS501, but every existing topics!
But then, as i said, being in the fandom is not always easy. Whatever we do, it's for our satisfaction. Nobody gonna credit you for spending your allowance on voting them, or spending your time on them, or example. Noone cares. But we do it anyway, for satisfactory.. BUT everyone (well, almost if not all) expect you to support the wangjanims comes what may. Well, hello! Guess what? That's almost impossible for me. How can i say HJL looks good with this floppy blonde hair and thick make up when he is actually not? At least not to my eyes. I don't really give a dime for how he looks to others. I was choked when everyone praised him about his acting in Playful Kiss. I love him, I do. But no, for me, he has a loooooooooooooooooong way to go before i can say "Wow! He really can act!" (Funny coz when he's doing short parady or something with his members, i always think he's a great actor. Maybe the character didn't bring the best out of him, i don't know:( I'm still praying i'll see him in some crime or action show or something. it might be awesome.).
Of course, i don't really care bout those comments like "He's so talented!" "he's so blablabla" as what choked me was the fact that I can't critic him without some ppl saying I'm a hater. @_@ So, fans can only praise, even if they think it's bad? @_@ So, when i decided to be in the fandom, i cannot think on my own? Really? With this, i took one little step back. I'll support him in my own way, without anyone knowing (or so i think hehehe~~)...coz it's really irritating not being able to have my own say on anything.
Then, the boys parted. It's a great thing for me, to be honest. Great step! (No, i still love them as a whole, i swear!)
Tho i said i love all of them, i can't deny, most of my focus was on HJL. Maybe because he was more exposed, and the fact that i can find things about him easier than the others. Maybe it wasn't even anyone's intention, but he overshadowed the rest to my eyes.
From that moment, I can see clearly. I see things with new view. I learned more and more about HJB, KJ, YS, and JM. There are times that i went, "Wow! How come i didn't notice this side of him before?" when i see them performing, doing interviews or anything.
I don't love HJL any lesser, but those new things i learned bout the others make him appears normal to me. You know, it's like the relationship of old married couple. Nothing interesting anymore. Yes, almost like that. Whatever he does, i swear i still love him for it, but there's nothing that i don't expect him to do. His big heart, I know that side of him. His awesomeness? I know I know. His 4dness, never fail to put a smile on me, but that's him. He is THE 4D, so of course, he'll be 4d. His sexy yummilicious bod? Hey, it's hjl u're talking about! Of course he's sexy. Nothing new to me yet. Then i slowly give up on collecting photos, vids and such about him. (Plus, time constrain. U know!)
I love new things, i love to learn new stuff. So my focus is more on HJB, KJ, YS and JM lately. I'm so proud of them, seeing them in different view...exploring bigger, wider specs... i love the new confidence in KJ, i love the talented manly HJB, i love the playful badboy YS, and the ever so sweet JM. I honestly looking forward for moreeeee of them in the future.
And yes, I'm not gonna lie. I do love the feeling when i see them playfully tweeting each other. It reminds me of ol' good times:) To add to the causes list, I actually think I'm getting older. I got more things on my to-do-list, i rather sleep than staying up all night fangirling, and i have a lot more important things to save money for. Sigh. But I'll be here, i promise i'll try to be here. Maybe can't support like how i used to, but hey, I'm still here. I'll do what i can:) I might not be the same Triple S i used to be. But i'm still one. Like how i might not be the same skinny biatch i used to be, but i'm still me. hhehehe~~~ Till another crappy post, vee. Labels: fangirl, Heo Young Saeng, kim hyun joong, Kim Hyung Jun, Kim Kyu Jong, Park Jung Min, rambling, SS501 |
